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Quick – grab your neighbor’s hand and sing “Kumbaya” while wagging your finger toward the U.S. Capitol building.

Great. Now that that’s done, let me pop your little red (or blue) balloon. While the two of you agree that Congress is historically inept, you don’t agree as to why they’re inept. The Muppet-lover you were holding hands with a second ago, well, he wants them to enact economic policies to help alleviate the growing income inequality in this country. In other words, he wants YOU to pay more taxes. Meanwhile, you fear our growing national debt and what it means for your kids. Because of this, you think Congress needs to cut the kind of arts funding that supports your neighbor’s job at the opera house. Good guy, but hey, tough choices and all of that.

Your neighbor calls you a job killing Dittohead, pushes you away, and much to your shock, the supposed peacenik pulls brass knuckles out of his pocket. Wait, not brass – they’re biodegradable. Whatever. You mumble “hippie” under your breath as you run over and grab a Louisville slugger out of your SUV.  Neighbors gather around and start to pick sides as their tempers flare. This is quickly turning into a deleted scene from The Outsiders. Even though you and your neighbor’s intentions were pure and even aligned a minute ago, we’ve just gone from happy-happy-joy-joy to DEFCON 1.

Uh-oh.

When consensus breaks down – and it pretty much ALWAYS will when dissecting a complex or heated issue – we owe it to ourselves to handle it better than we have been lately. I’m not saying neighborhood brawls over federal budgets are common, but hey, I haven’t Googled the stats. I’m just saying that disagreement – even deep-rooted, passionate disagreement – doesn’t need to devolve into the kinds of metaphorical fisticuffs we so often see.  On the contrary, disagreement can be a very positive thing. A contact sport but not a blood sport, if you will.

In theory, debate about the issues facing the country should more rigorous than ever, given our unprecedented access to information (thanks, Internet) and all-time high educational attainment.  The Founding Fathers should watch C-SPAN and even the conversations over your kitchen table with pride. After all, those guys know from experience that serious debate backed by facts can cut away faulty or lazy assumptions and inspire “third solutions” that are better than the ones put forth by entrenched interests and old ways of thinking.

But instead of taking regular strolls through the tough-but-rewarding marketplace of ideas — and occasionally fact-checking — too many of us seem to have retreated into the comfort of our pseudo-echo chambers. We’ve chosen our niche cable news channels or radio talk shows of choice, bookmarked a few likeminded bloggers, and accepted the claims made in friends’ e-mail forwards and Facebook updates at face value.  We don’t want our assumptions challenged and we certainly can’t be bothered to cite our sources (what is this, a ninth grade history paper?) We just want the other side to submit. We only come out to engage when war is declared on a topic we care about.

It’s not just you and me and our beloved Congress doing this. Even the supposedly above-the-fray Supreme Court is more polarized than ever, siding reliably along ideological lines at unprecedented rates.

So why has our public discourse become so polarized, rigid, and frankly lazy? Why is “talking past each other” beating up “talking with each other” and taking its lunch money?  It hasn’t always been like this, has it?

I honestly don’t know. I just think we can do better.

I get the fact that, except for maybe Jeff Lebowski, we’re all busy. And I’m sure that’s part of it. We don’t have time to debate every little fact or assumption that we hold dear. So we’d rather defer to the positions of those “on our side” with more time for actual case-building and idea justification.

And that’s fine, much of the time. It’s one of the reasons we elect officials to conduct government business rather than taking a vote on every single issue facing the nation, and why we probably SHOULDN’T be voting on all those local judges we know absolutely nothing about. But it’s also important to realize that the advocates we choose to follow are often wrong and sometimes intellectually lazy themselves.  They also have their own agendas. So it might behoove us to be willing to listen to opposing perspectives from time to time, at least on the meaty issues. I know it’s hard to imagine, but THEY might actually be right sometimes!

If you’re having trouble humbling yourself for long enough to listen to your neighbor’s idiotic ideas for more than five seconds, take a step back and remember that we all hold wrong beliefs. Not just Congress. You, me, your neighbor (of course) – all of us. I’m not talking about wrong OPINIONS here; I’m talking about wrong beliefs about FACTS.  You know, those pesky little things that are supposed to serve as the foundation for so many of our strongly held opinions. The bottom line is, all of us think a bunch of stuff is true, have no doubt about it being true, and take actions based upon it being true, when in reality we are 100% wrong. Here are just a few common wrong beliefs among Americans.

Remembering that you walk around 24-7 holding your share of wrong beliefs may seem a little disconcerting, but I think it’s important. Being cognizant of your own logical fallibility and imperfect grasp of “truth” might open the door just a crack (the same one you just slammed on your neigbhor’s face)… and help to foster better understanding and collective problem solving. It might even take the edge off those arguments with your family members, spouses, and friends about who burned the turkey last year. (Guess what – it was you. You just didn’t remember after downing 2/3 of that bottle of Merlot. It’s OK — I’ve been there.)

Most of the time, we just have to agree to disagree with our political and philosophical adversaries, even as we pursue the same overall goal of doing what’s best for our communities. But we should also try, on occasion, to disagree to agree with the echoes in our own chambers.  Otherwise, truth and best solutions will too often elude us. 

The first question I ask is, “Says Who?  What makes you think you are going to get anything close to 5% of the market?  Are your competitors going to have some higher industry authority figure command that they give up some of their business to your company to keep things fair on the business playground?  Better think twice about that statement because business, like life, is not fair!”

Business plan competitions are becoming more commonplace on college campuses and in small business incubation centers across the country.  I have sat in and judged several, and whenever I see a business plan that says a company is going to capture X percent of the market, they lose me.

Business is a dogfight for revenue.  Your competitors are not going to roll over and let some new kid on the block take away their customers unless they are fat and happy or extremely incompetent.  Only the strong survive and if you don’t have a plan, or don’t execute that plan properly, get ready to eat a steady diet of Ramen noodles.

Less than a year ago, I was given a business plan to read in which the person wanted to open up a funeral home in a certain area of town that also happened to be where a client of mine already had the same type of business!  That was bad enough, but the business plan was the best piece of fiction that I have read in a long time.

The new guy was going to perform something like 50 funerals during the first year of operations, at $10,000 per funeral average, for total first year revenue of $500,000.  Yeah, right.  The location was terrible, he had no prior experience in the industry, and he had just finished getting his funeral directors’ license.  If it was that easy, everybody would open a funeral home.

First off, he was expecting 100% of his business to come from full blown funeral packages with caskets, grave vaults, funeral services, etc.  The reality is, more and more people are choosing cremation and direct disposition of the remains without all the bells and whistles, and the new average funeral costs substantially less than what he was expecting.

The business plan was so far off the mark and out of touch with reality that I decided to do him a favor, so he would not sink $250,000 + into a business that had no chance of making it.  I wanted to get him in front of my client, the funeral home owner in the same market, and work out a deal.  The new guy could rent an office from my client and play “funeral home director” for $500 per month.  He could have his own office, hang his certificate on the wall, be given a desk with a phone, and be in the business he was trying to start…the next day.

My thought process was this: my client was not afraid of this new competition.  He knew the new guy was not going to be taking any business away from him.  If he could bring in one new funeral, all the work could be done right there and the new business, plus the rent on the office, would be a profit center to him.  After six months to a year of playing “funeral director,” the new guy would see that his dream business was not very lucrative, that it was harder than it looked, and he could pack up his certificate and move out of the office.  All in all, he would be out a maximum of $6,000 in office rent if he stayed an entire year, less any business he brought in that year.

The upside was, if he actually could hit those projected numbers, my guy would be more than happy to sell him the real estate, crematory, and all the things he needed to operate a funeral home, and he could retire!  So it would have been a win-win for both of them, either way.

Unfortunately, the new guy thought being in the funeral business was his “calling” and went ahead to another bank and was somehow able to land a loan to buy a converted house and turn it into a funeral home.  After all, he had a decent credit score and the 20% cash to put down and that is all that the bank required.  Banks don’t normally make loans that have zero probability of success, but every now and then you can get them to make a stupid loan, believe it or not.  Just look at all the sub-prime mess and realize it still goes on to this day.

After about six months, this business had only generated about five funerals, four of which were cremations.  He was tracking to maybe do 10 funerals his first year, if he was lucky — a far cry from 50 full-service retail funerals at $10,000 a whack.  I highly doubt the business can show a profit with only 10 funerals even if the owner doesn’t take out any salary.

The point of the story is this: people start businesses all the time thinking it is a great idea, that they can do something nobody else can, and they deserve a slice of the market pie.  But reality is often a different story.  When I get a business plan and flip to the projections page and know, within two seconds, that it is unrealistic and not going to work, well, “It is fourth and long…time to punt!”

So if you are not willing to listen to other people who have been around the block once or twice, you really have no business going into business.  One of my favorite sayings is, “They don’t know what they don’t know.”  If you don’t know something, the best thing you can do is go find out what questions you should be asking before you make a monstrous money-losing mistake.  If you approach people in the right way, even certain competitors, but certainly business professionals who have no ulterior motive other than to keep you from making a huge and costly mistake, you will generally get some enlightenment that could save your bacon.

A hot topic lately has been the issue of loan modifications.  Loan modifications can take several forms – principal reductions, interest rate reductions, extended repayment schedules or payment deferrals.  Opinions on this topic are quite polarized.  On the one hand, there is the camp that proclaims, “I played by the rules, so it is unfair for others to get special treatment!”  The people who make this argument are missing the bigger picture.  If your neighbor’s home gets foreclosed on, the value of YOUR home will most likely go down.  It is in your best interest to have fewer foreclosures in your neighborhood.

If a bank doesn’t modify the loan for a struggling homeowner and proceeds with foreclosure, the best case scenario is that the home will quickly be sold to someone else.  In that case, the loan balance for the new homeowner will most likely be less than it was for the owner who was foreclosed on.  In essence, the loan balance gets modified anyway.  It is a matter of who benefits from the lower loan balance – the current homeowner or someone else.  If the home doesn’t sell quickly after foreclosure (which happens all too often), the home will most likely fall into a state of disrepair and can become a target for squatters, thieves and illegal activity.

Ultimately, it makes financial sense in many cases for banks to modify loans for struggling homeowners.  This is especially true in cases where the current homeowner can afford the home at or near the current market value.  The foreclosure process is lengthy and expensive.  A typical foreclosure costs a bank in excess of $50,000, or between 30 to 60% of the loan balance.  The vast majority of people who took on mortgage debt had every intention of doing “the right thing” and paying their mortgages on time.  But unexpected economic hardships can put people in the position of having difficulty making their mortgage payments.  The double whammy of economic hardship and a seriously underwater mortgage can force people to make the decision to stop paying their mortgage.  They realize that it makes little sense to throw good money after bad.

Loan modifications are not a matter of charity.  People who argue against loan modifications might want to ask themselves whether they would prefer to keep their current neighbor or have a meth lab next door.   It is more logical to plug the holes in a sinking ship so that we can all stay afloat than to sink together on the basis of fairness or morality.

The interesting thing is that these two brain networks – the Narrator and Sensor – are inversely correlated. When one is active, the other isn’t as much. So when you’re inhaling the aroma of coffee, you’re not likely to be worrying as much about your long to-do list.

And the cool thing is, you can notice which network is more active and then intentionally shift it.

When on autopilot, the brain uses previous experiences and memories to filter what you’re seeing, hearing, etc. So you can walk right by a beautiful flower and not even notice it. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all. That’s called top-down processing. Of course this processing has its place, but staying in that mode keeps you from experiencing the present moment. The richness of life doesn’t register.

To take in the present moment, we can consciously shift our brains to do bottom-up processing by bringing in the senses. It can be as simple as noticing your breath or wiggling your toes. You can cultivate bottom-up processing by being open and curious about everything you encounter.

I tend to “live in my head,” and I can easily sit at my computer engrossed in projects for hours at a time. To help break this bad habit and get into the Now network, I’ve set my Google calendar to email me reminders to stop and do something to shift into sensory mode. And when I go for a walk, I set my intention to take in all the sights, sounds, and smells. My Narrator hates when I do that because it wants to use walk-time to think, plan, dream, and work on ideas.

The payoff is worth the battle for control. Living with awareness brings the ability to choose healthier responses, rather than be victim to conditioned, subconscious reactions. I invite you now to stop reading, stand up and take a few deep breaths. Smile. Remember, bottoms up!

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But as I thought about it, I realised I have already indirectly done this myself anyway. Globalisation is here and it’s not going to go away. I believe that globalisation is a major factor in the world economic crisis – or maybe that should be economic adjustment – and instead of trying like King Canute to keep the tide of less expensive overseas labour away, we just have to find ways of working with it and adapting to it. There are many positives to be found in this situation.

For example, I have used a website called fiverr.com several times and I’ve been pleased with the results. On fiverr.com people advertise what they will do for five dollars. I have had a cartoon version of a photo of myself drawn, a logo designed, and a QR code that links to my website. The people I purchased from were all apparently based in the US, so even in relatively wealthy countries you can find people willing to offer good, quality work for very cheap returns, for reasons known only to themselves.

When I clicked on the QR code I had commissioned, my website appeared with adverts on it that I hadn’t booked and wasn’t earning any money from – so I’ve nailed the reason behind that one. As for the others, maybe they were looking for ways to broaden their portfolio or have full-time work but wanted some extra cash from doing something they enjoy.

On www.freelancer.com, project fees start at $30 and rarely exceed $200, according to the website. I think we’ll see many more of these websites soon, offering a range of skills within various price brackets. When I designed my own business website, using a WordPress template, was I denying a local website developer income? Not really, because I simply couldn’t afford to pay the £600 which was the lowest price quoted when I tried to find a developer. I just don’t have that kind of money.

The first website template I tried gave me terrible results, so I did an online search and found www.350.com. It has a very user-friendly drag-and-drop system. The result looked a bit rough round the edges, but was easy to update and served its purpose well. I stayed with www.350.com for about a year before reading an online blogging course from Glen Allsopp of www.viperchill.com. Glen’s course explained how to design your own website using an online web-hosting company (I went with http://tsohost.co.uk) and a WordPress template. I am very happy with the result. The website looks professional and is inexpensive to operate. There is much more I could do with it if I had the time, but the important thing is, it brings me customers – relatively high-spending ones.

I launched an online shop about 18 months ago, and I pay for a UK-based professional online shop template service, www.ekmpowershop.com. So I have used inexpensive outsourcing to get me started and then upgraded when the need arose.

Social media is an important learning curve. It’s easy to do it yourself, but experts can help you maximise its potential. Finding the right expert is the problem. I have a Facebook and a Twitter account for my business, but I haven’t made the best use of them. I haven’t had the time – or maybe I haven’t prioritised the time.

Social media can be a great way to reach a target market, to link with the people who like the type of products you are selling. And you don’t have to be a brilliant wordsmith or a marketing genius to use it. I got a few “likes” after I simply posted a cute photo of a squirrel drinking a smoothie and a link to the Daily Mail article it came from.

But this is elementary. A new pub opened near my shop just a couple of weeks ago, and it seemed to be full of customers from the day it launched – despite the fact that the site had been host to a couple of restaurant failures in the recent past. I asked around and was told that it has been running a targeted Twitter campaign. I don’t know whether the owners have put the campaign together themselves or if they have been working with a marketing expert, but they have certainly managed to build up awareness very quickly.

This example illustrates that there are some areas where it pays to work with local people. I think someone based overseas would have struggled to put together a social media campaign of this nature. Clearly, not everything can be outsourced. The trick is knowing when to outsource and when to stay local.

• Your expectations may not be the same as the expectations of others.  You may be a bit more demanding than others.  Ask the subcontractor to show you a place where they have done work before.  Verify their quality of work with those who have hired them.
• NEVER pay for labor in advance; an honest contractor should not make that demand.  I will buy the material or pay for it in advance, however.
• Pay them every Friday for what was done during the week, or when the work is complete.  I always pay immediately when a job is done.  Cash flow is important for any small business and they are more likely to help you out and go the extra mile when they know you will follow through with your end of the bargain.
• When contractors quote a job, make sure the quote is based on a specific list of things to do on which you both agreed.  If additional work becomes necessary along the way, COMMUNICATE!
• Don’t let them leave a mess.  Communicate ahead of time what level of clean-up you expect from them after the job is done.  When plumbers and electricians need to open up a wall or a ceiling, communicate with your carpenter and dry-wall person to make sure they do not create more of a mess than what it’s worth.  (One more electrical outlet may not be worth ripping open an entire wall).
• Treat them with respect and seek their input, even if you make the final call on things.  You do not want mindless robots; you want partners who enjoy working for and with you.  People love to share their experience and their knowledge. Let them!

Since I live in a small town, word goes around fast and people are concerned about their reputations; however, if you are new to an area, it might not be so easy to find reputable help.  Let GoHuman help you to connect.